Do We Wander or Lost?

"Not all who wander are lost."

Or so they said. Having spent four consecutive months for travelling non-stop (started last February) taught me something different. I count myself as one of the lost kid among the group. Four months I spent my time without proper journaling, without proper rest, without proper healthy lifestyle. It was because I travel for work, not for holiday or any other personal purposes. The weight of my "working trip" have caused me some serious anxiety and panic attacks during my return flight from Melbourne to Bali, Indonesia. It's been harder to grasp the reality from then, because I have to stay on the continuous routine. But coming back to this blog, there's a longing feeling of what I used to do before my crazy working journey begun : writing a passion out of myself. It comforts me when I realise that I still have a "home" to step on the ground and being present. This blog is a home, and I'd like to come back.

I'm half relieved to know that I've been lost during these journeys. I let go my strong perception of my own self and allowing the universe to create a conversation within. It was hard, to feel lost and uncertain, but as we grow older we'll eventually get used to it. Sometimes we hope for a change in life but we stick to our regular mindsets and attitudes, only to be disappointed by the end. To make your life change, you should start with changing yourself. A very simple concept to say, but highly complicated to execute. But one thing I do experience during my lost days is, that sometimes we don't have to particularly change ourselves drastically, but rather being open for embracing changes that come to our life. Either it's about change of workplace, shift in a relationship, having someone turning into a stranger, letting go dreams... We fight for it, we embrace the struggle. Because after all, life is about what you believe - when you have faith on something, don't ever give up. It's okay to be lost for awhile. We need to get lost after all, in order to be found.

Welcome home, self. Now you're ready to wander again.